dash

I found out I was pregnant with my second child right before Christmas. I called up the same OB who helped me with my miscarriage a few months earlier, and I stayed with that OB until I was almost 32 weeks pregnant. When the “midwife” on staff didn't want to discuss natural hospital birth, I fired them. The next day I called a local birthing center and made an appointment. The rest is history…

August 30^th, 2010

40 weeks 5 days pregnant

3:30am

I was awakened from a deep sleep by a popping sensation. My eyes opened the second I felt it, and at that very moment I felt a gush of water between my legs. I did an awkward roll out of bed and made my way quickly onto the tile floor. I sat down on the toilet and waited for the amniotic fluid to stop leaking. Every time I leaned forward to get some toilet paper, more water would leak. It felt like an eternity before I was able to make my way over to the cabinet to get a pad. This is not my first pregnancy, but it was the first time my water broke on its own. My husband had jokingly prepared some puppy training pads on the passenger seat of our car, and now I was secretly glad he did. Once I was cleaned up, I crawled back into bed to try and rest.

4:45am

I was too excited and anxious to rest, and I could feel contractions coming regularly. The hour drive to the birthing center was looming in the back of my mind. I decide to wake up my husband Brian and call my midwife to let her know my water has broken and that I was having regular contractions. She asks me to come to the birthing center and labor there, rather than have to make the drive later on in my labor. I feel relieved. I call my dad to come over and care for our older son Corbin, and pack some things to bring to the birthing center.

5:15am

My dad arrives and is very excited that things are happening! He lives out of state, but has been very involved in the birth of my children. He was there for Corbin’s birth and has been staying at my brother’s house in preparation for this birth. After my dad gets settled, Brian and I load up the car and head to Breath of Life Birthing Center.

6:10am

We arrive at the birthing center where we are greeted by the midwife and her assistant. They bring us back to our birthing suite so we can get settled. The tub is filled with warm water and the lights are dimmed low. It looks exactly how I envisioned my birthing time; peaceful, calming, comforting.

6:30am

I call my mom and sister and they get ready to come to the center to be with us during the birth. I sit on a large exercise ball and listen to my Hypnobabies affirmations.

7:30am

My mom and sister arrive. We walk around the outdoor gardens, and through the halls of the birthing center. My contractions are frequent, but not as strong and I had hoped they would be by now. We keep walking.

10am

We are still walking. Things are going very slow and I begin to worry about hitting that 24 hour mark from the time my water broke. I get anxious and worried that things are not happening like they should be. I try and remember that Corbin’s birth was also slow, and that things ARE happening, just not quickly. I haven’t had a vaginal exam, and I’m thankful for that. If I had only been 3 or 4cm dilated, it might have pushed my confidence even lower.

12:15pm

I take a shower and stimulate my nipples in hopes of speeding up labor. I sit on the toilet for a while and labor there. While walking through the halls, I have to hold onto Brian for support during my contractions.

1pm

My mom and sister decide to go get something to eat and do a little shopping for soon-to-be big brother Corbin. Brian and I lie in bed and listen to Hypnobabies. He dozes off a little and I move to the exercise ball. Time is starting to get fuzzy…

2pm

My contractions are strong now and I am having a hard time finding a comfortable spot. I go from toilet to bed to birthing ball and don’t find much relief. We decide to do a cervical check and I am at 6cm.

At some point, my mom and sister came back from their outing, but stayed out in the “Family Room” so I could have some private time.

3pm

I become very emotional. My midwife lovingly asks me why I’m crying and I said, “I feel bad that my mom and sister are out there!” Honestly, I don’t know why I was crying. I just felt overwhelmed with many emotions. I decide to get into the tub and within minutes have to vocalize through my contractions.

  

3:15pm

My mom and sister come back to be with Brian and I. My sister is my savior! She covers my back and neck with ice cold washcloths. I have never felt anything better. I am vocalizing with every contraction and resting between them. My position in the tub is on my knees, with my upper body resting on the edge of the tub. I feel paralyzed and refuse to change positions. I can feel the baby coming down with each pressure wave, and my body begins to gently push uncontrollably.

4pm

My midwife talks me into changing positions, to see if I can push the baby out. I flip over and relax in the warm water. My huge belly floats in front of me and my bottom is lifted by the water in the tub. I find it hard to bear down since I am floating. The midwife begins to drain some water from the tub.

4:10pm

With a few pushes, the baby’s head is born. My husband reaches into the water and feels his son’s head emerging from my body. I reach down and do the same. Our baby is almost here! The birthing assistant cannot get a good read with the heart rate monitor and the midwife once again has me get back on my knees with my upper body resting on the tub. How I managed to change positions with his head already born is unknown to me, but I did it!

4:12pm

The midwife had to help maneuver my baby the rest of the way out of the birth canal. His shoulder was slightly turned and stuck behind my pelvis. As soon as she freed him, he came flying out! She caught him and wrapped him in a blanket. They had the oxygen on standby, but did not need it. He did need a little suctioning, and immediately started crying. By this time the tub was completely drained, so I stood up and turned around so I could meet my baby.

Afterwards

We sat in the tub for quite some time waiting on the placenta, but it was not ready to be born yet. We decided to have Brian cut the cord. My sister held baby Dash, and Brian and my mom helped me to the bed. Once in bed, Dash immediately latched on and the placenta was born shortly after. I did have some tearing due to his positioning, but the midwife quickly stitched it up.

We all sat and talked and ate dinner until around 6pm, when it was time for the midwife to give Dash a checkup. He weighed in at 9lbs 8oz and was 21 inches long! Over a pound bigger than his brother!

By 9pm, we are ready to head home. We squeeze Dash into a newborn sized diaper and outfit, and strap him into his car seat. We are home by 10pm and tucked into bed, a new family of 4.

accountability

The day I gave birth to my youngest son, I was the heaviest I had ever been. Like, 235lbs. I don't know my exact weight because there was no way in hell I was getting on the scale that day... but you get the idea. HUGE.

40 weeks pregnant

After Dash was born

After Dash was born in August 2010, I breastfed him and sort of watched what I ate. By the end of the year, I was at 194lbs. When I saw myself in photos from the holidays, I knew I had to take control of my weight and get serious about my health.

Christmas 2010

I started Weight Watchers in January of 2011. I was good at dieting and counting points! I could do this! By the end of 2011, I weighed in around 164lbs. I had lost 30lbs on WW! It was the best feeling and I really felt like I accomplished something.

Skinny jeans, bitches.

During the summer of 2012, I realized that if I want to start losing again and get down to my goal weight, I really need to add some exercise into my life. This is where I struggle... Exercise. Ugh!

I tried the C25K program. I made it to Week 3 and then hurt my knee. I tried the 30 Day Shred. I made it to Level 3 and then quit.

My knee hurts.
We are moving.
I work full time.
The kids need me.
I don't have the time.
I'm tired.

The list of excuses goes on and on and on and on. But what it comes down to is this:

I have to make the time. I have to do this for me. No excuses.

Right now I weigh 161lbs. My goal weight is 140lbs. My fitness goal is to be able to complete the entire 30 Day Shred and the C25K program. I will get it done!

Watch me.

corbin

I love EVERYTHING about childbirth. I know that's weird, but it's so true. ♥

40 weeks pregnant with Corbin

I love the excitement of finding out I am pregnant.
I love the journey through those 9 long months.
I love the way my body changes to accommodate my growing child.
I love preparing for a new baby.
I love labor.
And I love delivery.

What I love the most is that brand new baby and everything that comes along with it. So maybe the truth is, I just love being a Mom.

Since my oldest son just turned 4, I have been reflecting a lot on his birth and our relationship as mother and child. Totally normal, right?

After Corbin was born, I decided I never wanted to have a childbirth experience like his again. Don't get me wrong, nothing bad happened, but nothing really wonderful happened either. I was 6 days "overdue" and I was induced with Pitocin. I had the Epidural. I got to do some fun knees-up-to-my-ears pushing after being stuck in a hospital bed for almost 24 hours.

Good times...

Don't I look comfy?

Once my sweet baby was born, he was immediately taken over to the warming bed. I didn't get to see him for 15 minutes, at best. It was later explained that he had a nuchal cord x2, which means the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck two times. Why did they take him away from me for so long seeing as though the cord "problem" was fixed as soon as he was crowning? Oh, that's right! They needed to weigh him and measure him and wipe him down and... you get my point. That other stuff should have come secondary to Corbin being with me.

Waiting to meet Mommy

I was still in the hospital bed; feet still in the stirrups. I was delivering the placenta and talking with my OB/GYN. Everyone else was over by the baby. Not me. Once I finally laid my eyes on that beautiful boy, I knew in my heart that I would make it up to him. We will be close, Little Man. I promise.

19 minutes after his birth, I meet Corbin

Even though Corbin's birth was not ideal as far as mother-child bonding goes, we did bond. Over time we bonded through breastfeeding and babywearing. We bonded as a family by bed-sharing.

Today, at 4 years old, Corbin is a wonderful child. He is sweet and thoughtful and he always tells me he loves me. I could not have asked for a better son, and I am so thankful that we have a special relationship despite his rough entrance into the world.

I've said it before and I will say it a million times, he really is my shining star.
♥

this is what i love

I'm a knitter.

I ♥ to knit.

How did I become a knitter, you ask?

Sit down, my friends, and I will tell you my story.

For the first 18 months of Corbin's life, I was a stay-at-home-mom (also known as a SAHM). I devoted all my time to my son. He was very high-maintenance and I fell into a parenting style that felt right for both of us. I breastfed him, I frequently held him in a sling/wrap/carrier to soothe him, and he even slept in the same bed with my husband and I (gasp!).

Yes, my family and friends thought I was weird. I should let him cry, I should put him down, I should force him to sleep in his own bed, I should teach him to take a bottle so he doesn't depend on me. I heard it all, and I ignored it all.

One morning I decided to get out of the house and found a local La Leche League meeting. This meeting was being held at a freestanding birth center in Sarasota and I was curious to see what it would be like. Sure, I breastfed my kid, but I was unsure about attending a meeting just for the sole purpose of talking about making milk.

Once I arrived, I felt comfortable. I felt like the birthing center was somewhere I wanted to be. The people were so nice and accepting of me. And best of all, they were EXACTLY like me in terms of how they parent their children. Nobody judged me or offered me unwanted advice. They encouraged my parenting style and taught me so much more.

Soon after that meeting, I was deep in the interwebs learning all about the thing I had been doing all along... Attachment Parenting. It felt awesome to know how many people out there were just like I was. Within a couple months I discovered another commonality amongst APers, cloth diapering!

Corbin was 13 months old when we started using cloth diapers. I educated myself and found a community of people who also cloth diapered. This website allowed me to buy a variety of items for a low price and helped me discover which type of cloth diaper worked best for Corbin and for me.

You could say that CDing became a hobby of mine. I connected with a group of girls who were into the same brand of diaper that I was and found myself chatting with them daily. Just like the LLL meeting I went to a couple months before, I felt accepted. These girls were just like me!

After months of chatter with my online friends, I realized how damn crafty most of them were. I was chatting with knitters, sewers, spinners, and dyers. I was chatting with photographers and magazine writers. What was my craft? Nothing. What did I do for fun? Buy cloth diapers.

Oh, the shame.

My husband encouraged me to get a new hobby; one that didn't involve the buy/sell/trade of poop catchers (AKA cloth diapers). So I went to the craft store and bought a How-to-Crochet kit. Why I picked crochet, I will never know. I tried for days on end just to get the dang yarn on the hook. It was pretty much an epic fail.

I was still chatting daily with my girls online and they encouraged me to try knitting. I believe it was my husband who bought me my first knitting needles and yarn. Like I said, he was desperate for me to find a new hobby... It was a success! I fell in love. I finally had a hobby.

My husband was glad I was no longer buying diapers. Instead, I was knitting pants and covers to go over Corbin's cloth diapers. It felt good to be crafty.

When everything is said and done, I admittedly spend way too much money on yarn. Way more than I could have spent on poop catchers. But after all...

this is what I love.